June is Pride Month, which means it’s not only for gay, lesbian and transgender folks—it’s pride for being who you are—YOU!

I tell all my clients, whether it’s in their profile, on a first date or at a mixer, always be the best YOU possible. When you radiate who you are, others will naturally flock to you. And that’s when the magic happens.

As a former casting director I used to have to sift through thousands of headshots to find actors for different shows. Time and time again, the ones that got my thumbs up were the one’s that showcased that actor’s personality, the one that sold me their Product You.

The Product You, for those of you unfamiliar with my book Spin Your Web, is about how to “sell” yourself the same way any product is marketed. Based on your best character assets, who you are and what makes you unique, the Product You can be used to snag dates, find a mate and make your profile shine and best of all, it’s all true!

This is what Pride Month is truly about, being proud of the Product You. Like snowflakes, no two Product You’s are the same. So what are your best traits? Are you gracious? Hard-working? Loyal to a fault? Bare your soul this month and show off the person you are.

Having pride isn’t about ego or power or being vain, it’s about loving yourself, and loving yourself warts and all, is the best way to let someone else in to love you, too.

This is the kickoff month to a great summer filled with anything you want it to be. Just remember to show off that Product You and, like Oscar Wilde said, be yourself!

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde

Want to learn more about the Product You? Go to SpinYourWebBook.com!

TIME TO KICKSTART SUMMER LOVIN’!  LEARN ABOUT DEAR MRS D’S NEW SUMMER PROGRAM HERE.
If you keep wondering why you’re single after all these days, weeks, months, years, decades—the time has come to stop asking and starting doing! It’s approaching another wet, hot summer which means it’s the best time to be single! Some of the sexiest, happiest, most fun parties happen during these months, so why not enjoy it? Everyone has a smile on their face when the sun is shining, so if you’re looking to be in a relationship but keep hitting a wall of rejection, try amping it up a notch this summer.

Here’s how to get it back in gear:

• Join a MeetUp group. Whether it’d be a book club, swim crew, biker gang or fellow barflies for a pub crawl, meeting new people is what’s going to work in the ways of love. You might not immediately be introduced to Mr. or Miss Right, but you will meet friends of new friends, be invited to more functions and, eventually, be set up on blind dates. Someone always has a single friend waiting to be set up on a date. Let people know you’re looking once you’re comfortable in the group and your chances for love will increase ten-fold.
• Go out by yourself. Hit a happy hour after work alone. Sometimes your crew can make you seem unapproachable. When you fly solo people want to know your story and feel less threatened of possible rejection. Sure, it seems uncomfortable at first so start small. Just one drink to start off the experiment and see how it goes from there. If you don’t leave having talked to one new person, try another spot. Just remember to call a cab home.
• Try online dating. Looking for love online isn’t as scary or dorky as it was over 10 years ago. In fact 1 in 4 new relationships start online. Write a short, witty profile, post three good pictures of yourself (cropping out all others) and check your progress often. Online dating requires work, but at least you’ll know other like-minded people are there for the same reasons you are.

In this day and age, if you’re looking for love there’s no reason you shouldn’t find it and summertime has all the makings of romance—sunsets, healthy food, happy hours —there’s no excuse for not being social. If you’re looking to break your single streak, drive to the nearest beach and do it!

If your summer romance needs a jolt, join Dear Mrs D for a new program, Kickstart Summer Lovin’ where you’ll get personalized advice, daily tips and exercises, and a new dating attitude that can turn your summer fling into real romance by the end of the season. Find out more HERE!

Recently, I had the pleasure of attending a few Match.com Stir events. I spoke with many women and men about what they were looking for, what annoyed them and what was going through their heads when they came into a room full of people they didn’t know. Through their experiences, and my own as a dating coach and former dater, here are some things to think about the next time you mix and mingle.

3 THINGS THAT WOMEN DO THAT MAKE MEN FRUSTRATED

1. Showing up in a gaggle —This is the #1 thing that separates a good mixer from a bad one. Women tend to come to events with a girlfriend (or three) which is okay as long as you’re not joined at the hip or seated together the whole time. You can talk to your girlfriends anywhere, but you’re at a mixer to meet men. Even a quarterback would be intimidated to break through that defensive line. So if you can’t fly solo (which is my recommendation) agree with your friend that you’re going to split up for a good chunk of the party to see who else you two can meet.
2. Looking like you’re going into a boardroom instead of a club — Keep in mind that men are visually stimulated. If you present yourself at a mixer like you’re about to give a PowerPoint presentation, that’s not a turn on. Take a sexy pair of shoes, a shorter skirt, or a trendier jacket to work if you don’t have time to go home and change so he can tell you care about him to noticing you. Otherwise it might seem like you’re too busy with work to get to know him.
3. Being rude after he’s worked up the courage to talk to you – Women sometimes forget that guys have feelings too. If a man has worked up the courage to speak with you, please don’t utter the words “ewww” or roll your eyes at him. Even if you’re not interested you can learn something interesting from everyone. Treat him like a human, even if you don’t want him to message you tomorrow so that you don’t kill his self-esteem and chances of meeting someone else.

3 THINGS THAT WOMEN DO THAT DRIVE MEN WILD

1. Approaching them — I often debate my female clients about the line between being accessible and being aggressive. Most men will be impressed that you have the guts to talk to them first. It doesn’t mean you’re re-writing the laws of chivalry. Think of it as simply talking to someone new. If the sparks fly, you can let him take the lead from there.
2. Giving them the ‘signals’ — In spite of what you see in movies, men prefer a straightforward message rather than coy game-playing. If you like him, be sure to smile, touch his arm casually, get close to him to whisper in his ear over the music. Do not assume that he knows you like him unless you’re being very clear. Acting snarky or sassy won’t build chemistry with the right guy—kindness, compliments, and laughter will take you much further.
3. Being accessible – When women move around the event, they open themselves up to meeting new guys. Many times women run for the tables and plant themselves down so they don’t have to feel awkward (or stand in the 4˝ heels that they shouldn’t have worn.) If you move around every 20 to 30 minutes you might catch someone’s eye who you didn’t even know was there.

3 THINGS THAT MEN DO THAT PISS WOMEN OFF

1. Crowding around “The Hot Girl” — There’s always one super hot woman at a mixer and each guy thinks that he’s going to be the one she says ‘yes’ to. By all means, you should try to get her attention, but that doesn’t mean ignore all the other women in the meantime. Physical attractiveness is only one factor in compatibility – see if there are women who have something interesting to say even if they aren’t on Maxim’s Hot 100 list.
2. Not talking if they don’t feel immediate physical attraction — Based on my observations, the women at Stir events tend to be much more open to talking to guys whether they’re interested or not. Men will sit back until they see someone sexy while ladies will fill the time with good conversation. You will have a better time (and so will the women) if you accept that you’ve already signed up and gotten yourself to the event—which is more than half the battle— so you might as well enjoy it.
3. Checking out their assets—Women can tell when you’re talking to their breasts. You think they don’t notice the up-down look but they do. If you’re in conversation with her, try your hardest to make eye-contact. We all know where your mind tends to focus, but your eyes don’t need to go there too.

3 THINGS THAT MEN DO THAT TURN WOMEN ON

1. Approaching them in a casual manner – Most women like guys who take initiative, but this doesn’t mean being aggressive. Avoid touching or grabbing her until she gives you a clear sign that the advance is going to be welcomed. Many times men get too physically forward with women and the ladies don’t know how to say that they’re uncomfortable. Stay causal in your approach, she will let you know if you can turn up the heat.
2. Dress up—I’ve seen guys show up at mixers in their casual clothes thinking it’s okay to ‘come as they are’ but expecting the women to have their hair, makeup, and dress done right. In my observations, the men who wear a button down shirt, nice slacks, and clean shoes leave with the most interest. Many times these are not the buffest, handsomest, or wittiest guys either. Women appreciate effort and if guys bust your chops for dressing that way, you’ll get the last laugh when the pretty girl is on your arm.
3. Being direct—I remember going to a mixer in my single days and being so impressed when a man I was talking to asked me out on a proper date within 15 minutes of our introduction. Clearly stating that you want to take her to dinner or on another ‘official date’ will get her attention. The norm has become, “We should hang out again,” or “I’ll message you” and never doing it, so even the slightest amount of clarity and follow-through can give you an edge.

The next time you get an invite to a mixer come with an open mind, an optimistic attitude and these new tools in your dating toolbox and can have a great time and make new connections. Navigating the singles mixer is an art that you can hone with each event you attend. So just like working out at the gym, when you keep motivated, consistent, and positive you get the results you’re seeking. Do you have a secret technique that helps you meet new people or a question about how you can personally improve your game? Post it in the comments below! And don’t forget to claim your free video “The 5 Online Dating Mistakes You’re Making and How to Fix Them“.

With the recent news of Martha Stewart joining Match.com, and past celebs such as ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’ Patti Stanger and Essence Atkins meeting their mate online, there seems to be a trend developing.

The life of a television personality is most definitely grueling. Long hours, paparazzi waiting outside gyms, homes and restaurants hoping to catch you at your worst, fans, haters—there’s hardly any privacy at all. It’s hard to meet a potential match through friends since a) hectic schedules and b) it’s more like networking than attraction. So what’s a public figure to do? Take it online.

With online dating both celebs and mortals alike know that the people who’ve posted their profile on a site are there to meet someone special. Everyone has the same game plan—meet, fall in love, live happily ever after. Though there are the few sex trolls and those who are just passing time, for the majority of subscribers, their intentions are on worn on the sleeve of their profile. So why shouldn’t entertainers be happy too?

I can imagine most single celebs are looking for a regular person to settle down with. Someone who is not going to be in awe of them or treat them any more different than they are emotionally looking to be treated. No one wants to make a person they’re attracted to feel like they’re out their league or unattainable. When it comes to love and marriage, there are no award ceremonies or Walk of Fame—only hard work, trust, communication and lots of love and understanding. Online dating is the best way for single celebs to put themselves out there the way we all should when we know what we want.

My tips for anyone looking for love online are the same universally:

• Stay positive—don’t present yourself as a negative complainer. Focus on the good aspects of what you’re looking for both for yourself and in a potential mate.
• Be open to different ages, races, religions and heights—when you close doors to what you don’t want aesthetically, you close possible doors emotionally as well.
• Be honest with yourself and with potential matches—You’re online to meet someone, but you haven’t found that person yet. Don’t rearrange your entire life to fit first dates and phone calls in your busy schedule. Tell that person what your life is like and make sure they know you are important to them even if you have to postpone or can’t return a call right away. The sooner you’re honest with someone, the sooner you can move onto a more mature relationship with them.
• Don’t give up—you might not meet Mr. Right in your first week on Match.com, but you will have dates that help prepare you for when he does come. Look at each message, phone call and date as getting you that much closer to finding the one. It takes the pressure off and allows you to enjoy the process.

Whether you’re famous, semi-famous or big in Japan, if you’re ready to meet someone who’s as serious about finding love as you are, online dating is the best way to find them. There’s no shame in making yourself happy, in the spotlight or out.

Through The Real World, I have observed the evolution of courtship and watched attitudes shift towards gays, lesbians, and New Jersey sluts alike. Usually I spend the episodes shaking my head in disgust at the lack of self-worth that the ladies on the show now have. Last week’s episode, however, really struck a nerve with me.  Southern Belle Jessica has been hitting it off with a 7’ tall local that the roommates affectionately refer to as Paul Bunyan. After a night of much drinking and debauchery, the roommates stumble home (some things about the show never change) and Paul Bunyan is in no shape to drive. So Miss Southern Hospitality, Jessica, offers him the couch to sleep on.  This act of kindness if followed by a barrage of insults from her roommates about how inconsiderate she is to not let him stay in her bed.  “Show the guy some respect”, one roommate exclaims as if the excessive number of shots he took at the bar should turn her on.

I’m not a prude – in fact, for many online dating experts, I’m very forward thinking about sex and gender roles, but this made me concerned for the young ladies of 2013.  To be ridiculed and blasted for NOT letting a guy sleep in your bed is a total reversal from the rules in my single days.  Used to be that if you let a guy sleep with you (and you know they wouldn’t end up just sleeping) that you’d be labeled as a slut.  But now, if you don’t open up your bed to someone you barely know, apparently you’re a heartless bitch.

Ladies, we need to reclaim our self-respect! You don’t have to do anything with a man that you don’t want to do and the reality is that if you do sleep with a guy too early on, he’s more likely to lose interest than if you wait to get to know one another and make that first time together really special.  I commend Jessica for not giving into peer pressure or temptation. When she gets to be my age (which apparently is very old) she will look back on this defining moment and pat herself on the back. I shudder to think what will be expected of women by then. You get treated the way you think you deserve so if we feel like we deserve better, we can turn back the horny hands of time.

So both your New Year’s resolutions were to lose ten pounds and meet someone special? Well, they don’t just happen overnight. I’ve got news for you, if you purchase a hefty gym membership, hire a trainer, buy a butt-load of new workout gear, and are still pressing the snooze button from bed when you should be on the treadmill, you’re never going to shed the weight. The same holds true for dating.

Currently, I’m working on shedding my own Big 10 using the muscle-confusion, sweat-tastic, body-aching P90x as my gym. Former aspiring stand-up comic-cum-Beachbody guru Tony Horton, hosts a gaggle of cut, lean, muscle machines. While some of his incessant jabber drives me up the walls, he actually makes one comment that resonates deeply with me: “All you gotta do is show up.” No matter how half-assed I flop through the Ab Ripper X, that statement makes me realize that I’m one step closer to accomplishing my goal so instead of giving up, I do the best I can for that day.

The simple act of pressing PLAY on a daily basis will get me thinner, even if I do the moves half-heartedly and take more breaks than necessary. I’m still doing the work with my headspace set on my intention of weight loss. With dating, it’s the exact same principle: If you have an online profile that you never check, never update or never message anyone, you’re not going to meet that soulmate you’re seeking. But if you just show up daily, tweak your profile, add in new photos, swap out old ones, say hi to the cute girl who was checking you out and go on first dates, you’re doing the work necessary to meet your mate.

Dating doesn’t have to be stressful. You want to meet the love of your life, well that takes time. The right one is out there for you, but they aren’t just going to appear from you wishing on a star. You have to show up to make these things happen.

In Dove’s new advertisement using a police sketch artist to draw different women’s perspective of themselves is not only a viral hit, but it’s a viral lesson. After each woman has given the artist their descriptions of themselves, another recently-befriended person gives their own personal account of the same woman’s attributes. The two sketches are then put up side-by-side for the women to soak in, revealing that the sketch from the acquaintance is much more flattering and more honest to each woman’s view of her own looks. Dove’s tag line for this campaign is fittingly, “You are more beautiful than you think.”

With this message I call upon all of us—including myself—to take a page from Victoria’s handbook. Instead of deflecting, dismissing or degrading yourself after given a compliment, say ‘thank you’ instead and take a minute to confirm the fact that yes, your outfit is cute, you do have nice hands, your hair is beautiful because YOU are beautiful just as you are.

Here’s our challenge: Try to soak in any compliments and praise for one week without rebuttal— even if you have to bite your lip to keep from turning a compliment into a complaint. Repeat these the worthy ones back to yourself in the mirror and add in a few of your own. After seven days of this, I bet you’ll notice a feeling of radiating gratitude from within sending a whole new wave compliments your way. And all you have to say is, ‘thank you.’

A recent story out of Care2.com caught my eye this week. The author likens dating to dieting, saying her cravings for a candy bar were similar to her attraction to “bad boys” and commitmentphobes—basically running her on the proverbial hamster wheel of yo-yo diets and unhealthy relationships.

This is one metaphor that makes total sense to me. So many of my clients tell me that they want to be in a long, committed relationship, but they have a hard time breaking their usual bad habits such as staying with a person who has the complete opposite values of their own or being with someone who treats them poorly.  What we should be doing when it comes to looking for a healthy, loving relationship, is the same that we should do with our diets: Seek out the organic apple, the healthy salad, the colorful plate of veggies—even though we really want a gooey molten lava chocolate cake.

This metaphor doesn’t mean your next relationship has to be bland or tasteless or boring and unexciting. If you look at your dating career in terms of your diet you can see patterns that become easier to break. The guy who was nice but you weren’t attracted to: brussel sprouts; the hot mechanic with a go-nowhere job: rum raisin Haagen Dazs; the woman who looks great but talks about (and to) her tiny dog way too much: a rare Kobe steak.

Your next potential mate should be somewhere in the middle of what you crave and what is good for you. A person who listens to you, treats you well and that you’re attracted to. If they aren’t healthy for your heart, they aren’t healthy for you. Just like the stuff you eat on a diet.  I hate to compare people to food, but when you scrutinize your relationships like you calorie-check your meals, you just may lose the excess baggage of unhealthy relationship pounds you’ve been looking to shed.

You can read the original story here.

In honor of my 6th wedding anniversary this weekend, I wanted to share my 6 secrets for keeping your relationship hot even after many years, kids, body changes and life events.

1. Communicate – Seems simple to say it, but once life starts happening couples forget to talk to one another never telling each other how they’re feeling.  If there’s something bothering you get it off your chest before it becomes a problem. Just remember to phrase any grievances from your perspective, i.e. “When you say X it makes me feel Y” instead of “Why do you do X, Y and Z? You must be crazy!”
2. Make time for one another – It’s easy to get caught up in our work, kids and friends and take our partners for granted. Set aside a date night once a week. Even if it’s just watching a movie in the living room or getting a friend to babysit while you go to lunch. Make sure you still have alone time that you each commit to and look forward to every week.
3. Ditch sex standard time – Always hookin’ up in the evening? Jump your partner’s bones at dawn.
4. Try a new track – Music stimulates your senses. If you don’t use music in the bedroom try some out. If you’re a veteran, download a song in a completely new genre and see how that changes up the evening.
5. Get away – It’s really important—whether your have kids or just a demanding boss—that you take time to relax together without the pressures of daily life. You don’t have to spend a ton of time, but you do need to give a lot of attention to your mate.
6. Switch up your look – Get a sexy outfit, a new haircut, different lingerie and that can make all the difference. It’ll be like you’re seeing each other again for the first time and you’ll feel better about yourself, too!

What’s catfishing?  This term comes from the 2010 movie about a man who falls in love with a girl online only to find out she’s not who she said she was. You remember the Manti Te’o story, right? We all thought the story of a college football star falling in love with a girl online, only to be duped into thinking she died and then finding out she wasn’t real in the first place, was ludicrous. Who would be stupid enough to fall for something like this? Actually some very smart people can be that stupid, including a college professor who also happens to be a theoretical particle physicist. His story, however, is even worse.

As reported by The New York Times, University of North Carolina professor Paul Frampton was conned into believing that he was communicating with world famous Czech bikini model, Denise Milani. He said he had met Milani on an online dating site in November 2011. The 68-year-old physicist was not only convinced that the person he was chatting with was Milani, but that she wanted to “quit her glamour model life and marry him.”

Frampton, have we learned nothing from Manti T’eo? If your online girlfriend is excessively hot, happens to live thousands of miles away, and you’ve never seen her in person, she’s probably fake.  And if she needs money or a favor from you, she’s the fakest of the fakes. So what happens when you travel to another continent to meet up with her only to find that she’s already left? What if she asks you to transport a suitcase for her to another country? Do you do it? If so, you’ve been catfished.

What was in that suitcase you ask? You guessed it, drugs. So now Frampton is left with a criminal record, 4 years in prison for drug trafficking, and no hot model wife.  If you’re worried that you might be baited for a catfish, there are many ways to stay safe and meet your real spouse online as I did. Here are the top red flags that your mate is a mock-up:

Incomplete Profiles – There are some scams online and sites that have fake profiles for a variety of reasons. If you see only one picture and many holes in their profile responses, stay away. It might be a ploy from the site to look busier and sexier, therefore attracting you to buy a larger membership package or it could be a predator looking to approach you for information.

People Who Don’t Want To Talk On The Phone Or Meet In Person – There are people who use online dating as a hobby or who are married and like the idea of connecting with someone for racy talk, but don’t actually have the guts to meet up in person. Or they could simply be not who they say they are. All these people are just wasting your time and keeping you from meeting The One. If you sense someone you met online is avoiding or delaying meeting you, abort mission. Although there are some very elaborate scams using recorded video, you can greatly reduce your risk of talking to a phony person if you can get them to meet face to face. If you’re not in the same location, use Skype to connect. But, by all means, always start with a phone call—a step which Frampton didn’t seem to think was necessary.

Old Pictures/No Pictures/Magazine Photos – If the hairstyles or clothes seem out of date or the quality of the photo doesn’t seem crisp or hi-res, this person might not look the way they appear to in the photos. Ask them for some additional pics, and if they can’t provide them you might want to think twice about meeting up. Also, if the pictures all seem to come from a magazine, as Milani’s most likely did, you should definitely be suspicious.

Anyone Asking For Money Or Personal Information - This is the oldest trick in the book whether we’re talking about phone scams, email scams or face-to-face swindles. The only payment you should be making is to the online dating site and the only information they need to know is the best method to reach you (not necessarily your home phone number).

Anyone Asking You To Do Something Illegal – Perhaps the airlines should go back to asking the questions, “Did you pack the bags yourself?” and “Has anyone given you anything to take on the flight?” In Frampton’s case this would have kept him out of the slammer.